November 2009
27 posts
October 2009
13 posts
WatchYou know what? Why NOT drink box wine out of a can? We certainly like our prejudices in this country, but the stigma against box wine (and drinking it out of a can in particular) is entirely unfounded. Let’s go through some of the contributing factors to this stigma and refute them, one by one:
Box wine is cheap. This is a negative? Have you had box wine? It’s delicious. I’d pay...
We have too many seriously lame holidays in this country. Columbus Day? The man was a pompous tyrant who still thought he had landed in Asia until his dying day. Arbor Day, are you kidding me? President’s Day? Presidents Shmesidents. Christmas? OK we can keep Christmas.
I propose, as Secretary of Holidays, that we get rid of these offenders and replace them with a select number of weather...
WatchA few days ago, I found myself walking a few yards behind someone with an apparent right angle complex. The girl, capped with an impressive Jan Brady swinging ponytail, would walk in only perfectly straight lines. When changing direction, she would stop, turn in place ninety degrees, and continue on in a straight path. Naturally, this led me to believe she was French Canadian.
I have witnessed...
Naps freak me out. When I was three I told my mom...
WatchJay Leno is the worst. He is heinously unfunny in such a boring, “aww shucks I’m just a smirky everyman with a museum full of cars” way it is all anyone can do to not claw violently at their TV sets when he comes on (I’m assuming it’s the same for everyone). But this is old news. You know this. Everyone knows this.
But did you also know, dear reader, that Jay also...
September 2009
10 posts
Pepsi To Cease Advertising →
I got a paragraph down before realizing it’s the Onion. It really doesn’t seem too bad of an idea. I never really understood, if your brand is already universally known and everyone already has an opinion on it, what’s the point of advertising? I read an article once [citation needed] about how Papst Blue Ribbon, the hipster’s beer of choice, doesn’t advertise because...
Vampires: at least their taste in music doesn't... →
Ha! What a pun! Vampires suck!
But also: what? How did the Twilight sequel get Thom Yorke on board? And Bon Iver and Death Cab and Grizzly Bear? And a Hot Topic tour??? I’m so confused. Don’t they have their carefully crafted indie reps to protect? Do they all have huge crushes on Robert Pattinson, or did they all just decide to do it ironically? Maybe they only felt safe selling out...
WatchThis dude recently became mildly noteworthy for “predicting” the numbers for a UK lottery on live TV. I’m pretty sure he’s an actual wizard, having witnessed this audience-be-stupid spell before. Anyways, one of his earlier stunts involved giving two ad people 30 minutes to come up with a print campaign for a taxidermy, then revealing that planted subliminal messages the ad...
